Nowhere Girl (Foundlings Book 1) Read online

  And there he went, distastefully and arrogantly reminding me of Soph when he told me to forget her. He must have felt my legs stiffen or twitch, I couldn’t tell, but something caused a haughty chuckle to escape his throat.

  “Jameson, my boy,” he continued, despite my silence, “You’re making the right choice. Trust me. I have faith that once your exams are over and we discuss the next steps in your life, this will all be a distant memory.”

  “Screw you, dick head,” I groaned, continuing to cover my face with my tanned arm. I was seconds away from kicking Thomas in his face.

  “Watch your tone.”

  “You watch your tone, Thomas. Seriously, are you honestly in here telling me about your dinner with Simon days after demanding I stop talking to his niece?”

  “You weren’t only talking, Jameson. You were falling for that girl. It was obvious to us. I was the same way when I met Elizabeth.”

  “That’s bullshit,” I snapped, sitting up and pulling my legs away from the air around Thomas. “You and Elizabeth are yuppies with lives free of trauma, free of worry, who met at college, that you didn’t have to work a minute to pay for. You’re nothing at all like Sophia and me.”

  “There isn’t a Sophia and me, Jameson. Stop this.”

  “Get out of my room,” I demanded, pulling the door open and violently motioning for Thomas to leave. “I get this is your house and you’re paid to contain me within your gloriously wealthy walls, Thomas, but you truly have no heart if you came in here to brag about your dinner.”

  I watched his tall figure rise from the floor and approach me, folding the cuffs of his dress shirt over his forearms. He paused in the doorway, studying me with a warning glare across his face.

  “I just wanted to remind you that you made the right choice,” he glowered over me, waiting for a response I refused to give.

  With that bastard out of my room, I paced. I was ready to pull out my hair at the mere thought of him sharing air with Soph while I was forced to treat her like rubbish and ignore her messages. I flipped through my phone, scrolling to the seven missed messages I had from her—wondering at which point she gave up.

  I had only known her for one month, but I could imagine exactly how Soph was. She was probably restless, confused, overthinking like her precious introverted brain would do. I knew she was heartbroken. I had honestly led her on and I couldn’t control that. I had no power over the way my skin sparked if she touched me, if she looked at me…I couldn’t prevent that feeling, the utterly deafening sensation of silent serenity that swirled around whenever she was near me. And I led her on, lying to her that there would be something more to this…because I had hoped there would be.

  I was blinded by my attraction to her innocent soul, distracted by the peace she brought me, and unable to comprehend what my past would mean for her…all the while, she had worried about the implications of me knowing about her past.

  God. What I wouldn’t do to see her, to just make sure she wasn’t suffering from the heartache I was forcing upon her. She would never want to speak to me again, I was certain.

  There was a break in the steady rain, bringing an eerily suspicious silence to the air. As I passed through the text messages with Soph, I debated whether or not to leave the house and see her. And do what? I couldn’t talk to her. I wasn’t allowed. I worried that deep down, I knew I shouldn’t have pursued her. I shouldn’t have sucked her in, like I knew I would, and done this to her. I just couldn’t help it.

  I had to see her.

  ***

  I lingered outside while Elizabeth and Thomas prepared for bed, hoping they would leave the alarm off if they knew I wasn’t in the house. The sky had opened once more, relieving the clouds of their heavy precipitation in preparation for the oncoming hurricane. It was uncomfortably tedious, annoying, and painful while I waited for them to settle so I could leave. Through the wet haze, I could see their bedroom lights turn off in a synchronized fashion; one after the other along their wing of the house.

  I turned on the engine of my car, thankful the purr was quiet and still. My wiper blades were one click away from their fiercest setting as I navigated Spoonbill Road to get on Manatee Avenue, minutes away from Soph. What was I doing? I couldn’t do this to myself…her. I couldn’t do this to her. What if she saw me? With my head shaking violently as my subconscious and I engaged in a duel, my foot pressed into the plastic of the gas pedal and continued toward her house. It was almost eleven, too late for her to be awake on a Sunday. I just need to know she is safe.

  The light inside the front porch was off, a blanket of blackness blurring in the raining wind. I had parked my car a few houses away and walked in the rain, welcoming the violent moisture that battled against my body. I deserved the discomfort, the punishment these winds and rain were impaling against me. I earned the guilt, the vacant hole in my soul.

  My heart dropped, realizing there were no cars in the driveway. She was either not home…or alone. Again. I could already feel the aching sensation within my chest as I clung to the palm trees sporadically lining her aunt’s yard while my feet guided me around the yard sparsely lined with damp grass and sand. My gray canvas loafers were soggy and I could feel crystals of sand between my toes.

  I froze when I came to the rear corner of the small house, my soul aligning with the dim glow seeping from Soph’s bedroom window. It called to me, pausing my thoughts, my heartbeat…my sense of reason.

  I didn’t notice my clothes were adhered to me like a second skin, entirely saturated, or that my hair had been dropping rain faster than the sky. All I noticed was the figure moving among the soft glow, empowering the weak light to shine radiantly because it reflected her.

  CHAPTER

  THIRTY-TWO

  SOPHIA

  As Luke pulled his Audi into the parking lot, the stark vacancy of the spot next to him haunted me. I tried not to care, to avoid thinking of his absence and letting it consume me.

  I hadn’t heard from Jameson since he replied to my text message on Thursday. I was plagued by overthinking, wondering what I had said or done to ruin things when he took me to his cove. Olivia squeezed my hand as she climbed out from my side in the back. She quickly pulled her long silk mop of hair into a messy bun while Luke, Michelle, and I poured from the car.

  “Last week.” Luke stretched and rubbed his palm on Olivia’s hair, causing a pathetic punch to fly toward him, “You’ll miss me.”

  “Whatever, Luke.” She fixed her hair, growling at Michelle, whose eyes hung like a lovesick puppy at Luke’s every breath.

  “Ready for finals?” Michelle stepped next to me, linking her left arm with my right. As she pulled me along, I took one final glance at the empty parking spot, hoping he was just late.

  “Don’t,” Olivia encouraged, grasping my other arm. “We’ve got French first thing. Do you think she’ll keep us the whole period?”

  The three of us were steps ahead of Luke, who had stopped to wait for Owen. We were a few minutes early and I quietly stood on the front lawn as they discussed our schedules for finals. Olivia and Michelle buzzed about something Luke told Michelle on Saturday and I just observed. The normal cliques clung together, fearful of stepping from their social circle. Owen jogged up to us, smacking his palm on Luke’s back when he arrived.

  “Hey,” he announced, “where’s Jamie?”

  I perked up, glancing at Olivia, who was scanning my face before clearing her throat.

  “We have French. Let’s go.”

  “See you later.” Michelle pecked Luke’s cheek and followed Olivia, who was ushering me into the building. Their delicate features were pained, expressing a supportive sense of sympathy for me.

  “I’m fine,” I lied. “Really.”

  “He’s an idiot,” Michelle mumbled. “I hope he’s in a ditch somewhere.”

  “Michelle,” Olivia snapped, rolling her eyes and changing the subject. “So are we on for dinner tomorrow night?”

  Michelle nodded,
squeezing my arm before heading away from us. I begrudgingly followed Olivia into French, glancing once more into the hall to see if he would come.

  Olivia had finished our French final long before me, leaving me in the room with Derek and one other student who frantically attempted to complete in the remaining five minutes of class. I pulled my things together and hung my bag over my chest, walking toward our teacher and handing in my assessment. Olivia was probably waiting for me in the hall, so I swallowed hard, thinking of the upcoming exams, and headed out of the room when an arm wrapped around my shoulder.

  “Sophia.” Derek’s hand quickly returned to his pocket. “Wait a minute. Please?”

  “What’s up?”

  “Listen.” His fingers scratched into his closely cropped blond waves. “I was wondering if you’d like to hang out after school or maybe on the weekend or something…maybe…”

  Derek’s fingers were now rubbing his neck. He was nervous. This made me want to welcome him with open arms into my anxious bubble, because most of the time I felt the same way about everything in life.

  “Oh, Derek,” I sighed, flattered but also hesitant. Olivia popped into the doorway, a satisfied grin on her face as she was oblivious to Derek’s exchange with me.

  “That was the easiest test ever,” she sung. “I’m so glad you’re done too. Hey, Derek! How’d you do?”

  “I think I passed.” He returned her friendly smile and then his eyes flashed back to me. “So…”

  “We’re all going to Michelle’s on Wednesday night,” Olivia informed him. “You’re welcome to join us.”

  “If Sophia’s okay with it,” Derek agreed, looking between Olivia and me. I shrugged. Olivia linked arms with me, quickly pulling us toward the community space between two wings of the first floor. She shuffled through her bag as she spoke to me, her head facing down.

  “My parents are out of town until Thursday,” she mumbled. “Do you want to sleepover? It’s just finals, so we only need to wake up, take our tests, and then we can go back to our pajama, boy band, ice cream and pizza party.”

  “That sounds nice.” I smiled. “But I’m not really a boy band girl…”

  “Oh my god.” Olivia clenched her heart, laughing at me. “Then you’re best friends with the wrong girl.” Best friends.

  “Sounds like my cue to go.” Derek laughed and hugged Olivia. “See you later, Hart.”

  “You too, Derek. Good luck on your other exams!”

  “Thanks,” he said, and then he hugged me. “See you later, Soph.”

  Soph. Only one person called me that and it wasn’t Derek. In fact, my heart had betrayed me and allowed me only to think of my French exam during the last two hours. Now my heart and brain were back to their introverted, overthinking, subconscious duel in which I questioned everything I had ever done and replayed every possible scenario in hopes of changing the outcome with the magic I held. Oh, wait…

  “So you’ll come over?” Olivia pressed, clinging to my arm and batting her lashes at me with a bright pink grin.

  “I like my alone time.” I shrugged, torn. “I like my introvert time.”

  “I know, but sometimes…look. I love you, Sophski, and I want to hang out with you because of that, but…I don’t want you spending your nights willing Jameson to call when he won’t because he’s a humongous jerk! It’ll only distract you from your studying and, well, we could have a lot of fun. So think about it and let me know later, okay?”

  “I…I wouldn’t spend my nights thinking of him. I barely knew him.”

  Knew him. Whatever she had wished, it wasn’t working because now all I was thinking of was him. His messy hair, his hazel eyes, his feet…for heaven’s sake…I needed to get out of there. Olivia’s eyes rolled at me before she pulled me against her in a tight, almost suffocating, embrace.

  “You would because it’s what you do. Let’s just eat ice cream, study, and not think about these stupid boys for a few nights.”

  I didn’t like Olivia’s pressure, but I appreciated from where it came. She was trying to be a good friend and, to an extent, she was right that I didn’t want to be alone thinking about Jameson while I tossed and turned like a Disney princess, willing him to come to my window again or to at least call. Maybe once more. Maybe I could call one time. If he didn’t answer, then I knew he was a humongous jerk and I could…thinking about this was making my heart frantic.

  ***

  My fingertips began shaking, draining of blood as I paced Mr. Fitzgerald’s office later that afternoon.

  “I need you to take a deep breath, Sophia,” he repeated for the tenth time, his voice just as calm and patient as the first time he attempted to calm my panic.

  “I can’t.”

  “Just breathe in,” he modeled, “…and out.”

  I fell against the couch, pulling my legs into my chest. God. My mom would think I am the most pathetic human. She was an amazingly strong, capable woman, and here I was—a coward; a lovesick coward who couldn’t follow her counselor’s direction to breathe like a normal human being. I glanced out the window, surprisingly happy to see my friends by Luke’s car. It paused my panic for a split second, before my glance returned to Mr. Fitzgerald and I realized why I was there…why I was in Florida.

  ***

  I regretted arriving at school with everyone else. It was terrible. Luke spent the duration before our next exams discussing his hopes to camp with Owen and Jameson during the upcoming weekend. I couldn’t eat the banana peeled in my left hand. His name stirred too much inside of me—my nerves stung, misfiring at anything they contacted within my heart.

  “Do you want to come over tonight?” Owen grinned at Olivia after his lips chastely kissed her forehead.

  I watched the two wrap their arms around one another, envious but happy for them. Who wants another person attached to them all the time, anyway?

  “Hey.” Michelle tugged on my braid. “Let’s go kill this algebra exam and then go shopping.”

  I nodded, tossing my uneaten banana in the trashcan. Michelle began walking away and I slowly followed, hopelessly turning back to glance at the empty parking space next to Luke’s Audi. The least he could do was let someone know he’s alive.

  ***

  I pulled the hood of my jersey pullover against my head while exiting the building, slowly wandering along the courtyard while my classmates ran to their cars. It looked like they had never seen rain before and here I was, taking my sweet time while enjoying every last drop of precipitation as they ran around like mice being chased by a cat.

  “Hey you.” Derek’s greeting at my side startled my drizzly stupor.

  “Hi,” I sighed, turning to face him. He wasn’t who I had hoped would surprise me.

  “Don’t you want an umbrella?”

  “No. Hey, Derek, how long before this hurricane gets here anyway? The news keeps threatening that any day now, we will all be washed away. I’m kind of holding out hope,” I sighed, realizing I may have exposed too much of myself. Naturally, I sealed back up and returned to stoicism.

  “Nah, don’t worry. It’ll be over in a few days. I’d hate if you washed away though.” He smiled at me. “One more day of exams…I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to Michelle’s tomorrow night.”

  “Bummer,” I lied. Sort of. I wasn’t even excited about going to Michelle’s, so I certainly didn’t want to add someone to my list of humans with which to interact. I’m pathetic.

  “But maybe this weekend we could still hang out? We can burn our British Lit and French books.” His laughter was distracting, offering me some solace for a fleeting second.

  “I’ll text you.” I nodded before noticing Luke running toward me. He held a sweatshirt over his body as though he would melt if any water dare touch his precious locks.

  “Hey, get in,” he quickly demanded, nodding toward his car.

  I smiled at Derek and waved as I climbed into the backseat of Luke’s blue Audi. I felt like a fish out of water, dripp
ing wet against the beige leather interior.

  “Are you okay?” I questioned him, dropping my bag against my feet. Squish, wet, slop.

  “Yeah.” He spun around. “Just hate this rain. Sorry to be short. How was your exam?”

  “I killed it.”

  “Way to go, Oregon.” He winked in the rearview mirror. “You’re coming to Michelle’s tomorrow night, right?”

  “Yes,” I groaned.

  The passenger side door opened and, in a wet blur of activity, Michelle flew in and crashed against the seat. She clung to the side as she spun around to greet me.

  “Hey, girl,” her brown hair was a matted mess against her face. “Okay?”

  I nodded in response, biting my lip when I noticed Luke was also seeking reassurance from the rearview mirror. What did he care?

  “I’m thinking we’ll head up to Fort De Soto,” Luke spoke to Michelle as he pulled away from the parking lot. “Owen’s for sure in. Jamie though, I can’t get a hold of him.”

  “You’re a moron,” she snapped. “You’re going to camp on an island in the middle of the Gulf during a hurricane. Are they even going to allow you in the park? God, Luke. You have a death wish!”

  “I hope you all get eaten by an alligator,” I mumbled from the backseat, interrupting their argument.

  “A huge, hungry, sleep-deprived alligator,” I continued when I noticed four eyes peering at me from the rearview. “…What? Michelle won’t be upset with you then.”

  “Yeah, but then you three will be single ladies and…”

  “Shut it, Luke,” Michelle snapped, whacking him in the bicep. “Sophia, you’re spending the night tomorrow, right?”

  Change of subject. Thankfully. I could already feel the weight I had hidden elsewhere in my heart so I could focus on exams. It was almost a week since I had heard from Jameson. The more I thought about it, and the more I let my limited self-esteem review each possible thing I did wrong, the angrier I felt. I questioned everything. And no matter what I did to separate myself, it was there haunting me. Luke and his hurricane death wish camping trip, Simon and his secret meetings with Judge Kerry…and my heart.