Noah (More Than Friends Book 2) Read online

  I snapped out of it, looking into her hopeful blue eyes, knowing mine narrowed beneath my furrowed brows. Taking Lizzie’s free hand into both of mine, I leaned forward and softly pressed my lips against hers. She tasted like strawberries, my favorite of her lip glosses, and I felt a piece of me break with each delicious lick of her flavor.

  “Can you put down Muff?” I uttered, tightening my hands around hers, not speaking until she complied. “When I was at work last night, my ex stopped by.”

  “Oh?” Lizzie tried to take her hand away, but I couldn’t let go. “The…the one who cheated on you…the one before…before me?” Dammit. I was making her self-conscious, and it was all about my errors, not hers.

  I swallowed, crossing my arms with her hand in mine, trying to hold myself together for when she knew the truth. “She’s pregnant.”

  “How do you know it’s yours?” she asked, her hand frozen between my arms. “She cheated on you. No, Noah. This isn’t happening. I’m going to just go outside and come back in and you’ll kiss me, and it’ll be a restart.”

  “Lizzie,” I pleaded as she pulled away. I followed her to the door, my footsteps quick to close the painful gap between us. “Please wait.” Lizzie’s hand wrapped around the doorknob, but I pressed my foot against the door so she couldn’t open it. I was panicking, not even sure where I was.

  “I love you, Noah, but this…” Lizzie shook her head, kicking my foot out of the way. “This is a child…with another woman.”

  “You’re the only woman for me, Lizzie,” I cried, catching her stare. It was painful, beautifully tragic, and I was sickened by causing the tears that threatened her eyelids. “I don’t know what to do.”

  I wished she had the answer, the one that would make it okay…for all of us. “Do you have feelings for her, Noah?” I wish she’d call me mermaid, not Noah.

  “Strong ones. I despise her,” I admitted. Lizzie let go of the doorknob and turned to me, her eyes flicking between mine as if I had the answer we needed.

  “But…do you want a baby?” Yes, but not with Callie. Not with anyone else, and not now. Lizzie, some day. Maybe. If she wanted to. I didn’t reply. I only wanted Lizzie. “You’re a good man, Noah,” she lifted a trembling palm to my cheek, “and you’ll do what’s right. I need to go…”

  “I don’t need to leave, Lizzie. They called me back. I’m not going away,” I cried, following her onto the front steps. Lizzie spun around. This time, her eyes were gray, and the tears broke the dam of her resistance. They poured over her reddened cheeks while she stared at me impassively.

  “Good,” she nodded, “then you’ll have time to figure out your shit, Noah.” Lizzie lifted her right hand from her crossed arms to wipe a tear, her body shivering as she looked away from me. She took one step backward, my heart ripping from my sleeve and following her onto the second stair. “Maybe,” she continued, “this was all too good to be true, too fast and too soon for you.”

  “Don’t go,” I begged, following her while my head throbbed. “Please say you’ll wait for me, Lizzie. Give me a chance to figure this out. You promised you’d wait when I was called out. We’re going to pack…” My plea fell into her shadow. I collapsed onto the front step, crumbling against my knees while I watched Lizzie leave. Her dress taunted me in her wake, flowing like the wind that carried away the best thing I’d ever had.

  Muffin was slow to follow us outside, but I was thankful his wet snout poked my arm for attention because I was about to pass out. I couldn’t believe she left. I can’t believe Callie’s pregnant. Did this mean I was back to the start? Back to where my story with Lizzie began, lost in a damn mess with Callie? I couldn’t be a parent, I was hardly a partner with my work schedule, and now everything changed. Lizzie’s only response to me not being called up was that now I had time to figure out my shit, but I wanted to figure out life with Lizzie.

  I think I threw up five times after I’d broken some shit and cried for the entire afternoon. I called Lizzie over and over, my calls going straight to voicemail by the tenth attempt. I knew I had to call Callie, and the sooner I figured it all out, the sooner I could prove to Lizzie that I was worth keeping. It wasn’t too soon, it wasn’t too good to be true; we were perfect, meant to be. I needed to fix this.

  ***

  I marched to Silas’s parlor just as he was locking the door, lifting his head to smile at me in greeting.

  “Hey, man.” He approached, his grin vanishing when he saw I looked like shit. “What the hell happened and what drink is going to fix this shit pile?”

  “I think,” I bit my lip, not ready at all to say the words out loud, “Lizzie and I are over.”

  Silas whistled, shoving his wallet and phone into his back pocket before smacking my shoulder. “What did you do?” He crossed his arms, taking a step forward. I followed, hoping we were going to get wasted and I could be numb just a little longer, since Lizzie’s restart hadn’t returned us anywhere near the past. I told Silas everything while we walked around the Capitol Square, barely noticing the food carts and hordes of tourists consuming the sidewalks.

  “How could she just walk away like that?” I uttered, not even sure I wanted the answer from Silas.

  “She didn’t just walk away,” he groaned. “You broke her heart, Noah. What the hell else was she supposed to do? She’s not the one who’s responsible for figuring out a spot in your life, not when you’ve got another woman expecting your child.”

  “I hate this festival,” he mumbled while we waited for a walking signal to cross the street. “What are you going to do about this disaster?”

  “It isn’t the baby’s fault,” I grunted. “It’s ours. Honestly, Silas, I remember the last time I slept with Callie, and I used protection.”

  “Maybe it’s not yours. Or,” Silas nudged my shoulder, and I looked up to follow his gaze, “maybe you should start praying Callie is as hot pregnant as that woman.” I felt my skin drain of blood. The signal changed, and Silas walked ahead, but I was frozen. My heart anchored my feet to the edge of the sidewalk, and I couldn’t cross the damn street. Avery and her adorable belly. She noticed me and…smiled. Now I really can’t move.

  “Hi, Noah,” Avery greeted me once she reached the curb, where I was still stuck. “Are you okay?” She pulled her auburn hair around her right shoulder, smiling at me like I didn’t just break her best friend’s heart. I want to go back to yesterday, waking up with Lizzie. I want a restart.

  I blinked, watching Avery from the corner of my eye. “Have you talked to Lizzie today?”

  “No.” She scratched her stomach, glancing behind me with a widening grin. “Sean’s bringing me custard.” He jogged onto the sidewalk, his hands overwhelmed with an enormous bowl of custard, chocolate and caramel sauce, and cookie crumbles.

  “Hey!” Sean pulled me in for a hug once Avery took her sundae, her blue eyes wide like a child’s. “Is Lizard with you?”

  “I need to tell you guys something—” Silas interrupted me by shoving his hand between Sean and me, reaching for a handshake.

  “Finally,” he cheered, “I get to meet the people in Rossi’s other world. I’m Silas. You’re absolutely beautiful, by the way.” I felt Avery’s cheeks redden from behind Sean, her sweet chuckle echoing around us while Sean introduced himself to Silas, his expression hardening. They started talking about Silas’s parlor, and I wasn’t even sure how the topic started, but I caught Avery’s eyes on mine, and I quivered with guilt. I was sandwiched between every part of my life, and the one piece that held me together was somewhere else.

  She handed Sean her sundae and stepped around him while he and Silas laughed about something. I didn’t hear, and I didn’t want to. If it wasn’t Lizzie, or about how I could fix things with her, I wasn’t listening. Avery linked her hands around my right bicep, and we took a few steps away from Silas and Sean.

  “What’s going on?” she inquired, leaning her head on my arm.

  “Please don’t hate me,” I whispered
, turning to face her. Her fingers fell from my arm, and Avery’s blue eyes watched me with concern. I motioned for her to sit on a bench surrounded by potted geraniums, and she complied, looking back once at Sean and Silas.

  “He seems nice,” she uttered, twisting her fingers in her lap. “Why would I hate you? Did something happen with you and Lizzie?”

  “Sort of,” I expressed, sighing. “I don’t share things about my life with people, Avery, and I feel bad doing so, but I want to tell you.”

  “Okay,” she breathed, folding her hands over her small bump, “tell me.”

  Shit. Repeating it to Silas was one thing; he knew Callie, and he knew all sides of me. Avery saw me through her experience; she saw me through Lizzie. She thought I was a saint, just as her boyfriend was, and I was about to crush that too.

  “I was dating someone before I met you guys, before Lizzie. She cheated on me, and I ended things immediately, and I haven’t seen or talked to her since…except she came into the fire station last night. She wasn’t alone.”

  “I’m lost.” Avery laughed nervously. I leaned forward on the bench, rubbing my throbbing head while pulling my hands along my face.

  “She’s pregnant,” I admitted, “and now Lizzie hates me. She left, Avery. She just walked away.” I looked at Avery, horrified at my admission and tense about her reaction…but she crossed and uncrossed her legs, nodding gently with her top lip pressed between her teeth.

  “Did Lizzie ever tell you what happened to her in college?” Avery calmly whispered, mindlessly rubbing her stomach. I shook my head, urging her to continue. “It’s not my place to say, but I think you need to know. It might help explain where she’s coming from. We were sophomores, or maybe it was freshman year. I don’t remember. Anyway, she went to the doctor and had an abnormal test and, long story short, they had to remove too much, and she probably can’t have kids.”

  “Lizzie?” Sean questioned, sitting on the other side of Avery. She nodded, as if discussing Lizzie’s health care was casual conversation. But I guess it was; they’d known each other then, and they’d already dealt with that blow as a family.

  “I’m going to run into the market,” Silas informed me, his eyes flicking to my bench companions, “and give you guys a few minutes.” I smiled a pathetic thank you and returned to burning a hole in the pavement with my pretend laser beam eyes. Avery reached for my arm again, lowering her hands to my twisting fingers. I felt better with her holding my hands, like a kid with their mom, but I still wasn’t sure how to read their reaction.

  “You don’t hate me?”

  Sean snorted. “Hate you for what?”

  Avery cleared her throat. “Sean, do you remember Lizzie telling us about Noah’s ex-girlfriend? The one with the video.” Of course Lizzie would share that detail. I smiled thinking of her. I needed her back. I tuned out while Avery relayed my news because hearing it for a fifth time in twenty-four hours sickened me.

  “We don’t hate you,” Sean replied. “You didn’t know she was pregnant. And where has she been this whole time? She’s farther along than Ave and she didn’t know until now? Smells fishy.”

  “I know,” I agreed, “but I blocked her on my phone. I’ve been practically living at Lizzie’s.”

  “Wouldn’t she have hunted you down through Silas or another friend? Or shown up at your work earlier?” Avery probed.

  “Well, babe,” Sean thought out loud, “you didn’t know you were pregnant for a while, either. Maybe this happens more than we realize.”

  “I still don’t understand why she wouldn’t have found you the moment she knew. Or if she’s such a hussy, then why wouldn’t she be taking regular pregnancy tests? We did it once without protection—”

  “And now look at us,” Sean snickered playfully, leaning over to kiss Avery’s stomach. He stood, hands in his pockets, and watched Avery and me. “You don’t go through hell without bringing the one you love back up with you, Noah. What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t have a choice. Lizzie left. She wouldn’t hear me out; she wouldn’t listen. I get that she’s afraid. I’m terrified!”

  “She’s not choosing fear over you, Noah. She’s protecting herself. Lizzie isn’t afraid of much,” Avery divulged, “except betrayal and not being able to make someone she loves happy.”

  “I was happy, Avery.” I clenched my teeth. “I’d found my missing piece in her.”

  “But someone else is carrying your child,” she persisted, “and, while you’re in love, your relationship is still so new.”

  “And because we didn’t wait years to be together, we shouldn’t have a future? I’m lost here,” I snarled, losing myself into the asshole I felt I’d become. “Look, I’m sorry. You don’t deserve to be spoken to like that.”

  “She doesn’t,” Sean agreed, “but you’re missing the big picture here, Noah. Lizzie can’t give you what she thinks you want now. It doesn’t sound like you gave her an answer to something she didn’t ask, when you were supposed to tell her she would be okay, that she’d still make you happy. Think about it. Your ex-girlfriend is pregnant with your kid. Lizzie knows you’re a good guy. She knows you’ll be a father to that child.”

  “Total DILF,” Avery added. “We talked about that hypothetically once.” Sean glared at her, which softened everything once Avery erupted into a fit of giggles.

  Shaking his head and rolling his green eyes, Sean continued, “She’s probably thinking she doesn’t stand a chance now. You’ve got a family.”

  “Lizzie is my family.”

  Avery’s laughter calmed, and she reached for my arm again. “You can’t expect her to be happy on the outside while you bring another woman’s child into the world. How do you find out that it’s even yours, Noah? Do they screen for that this early?”

  “I didn’t have a chance to even tell Lizzie that. She’s ignoring my calls now, too. I’m sorry, you guys,” I mumbled. “I never imagined something like this could happen, that I could destroy what I had with Lizzie. Please, if I can ask that you do something for me, don’t tell her we had this conversation. She told me to figure my shit out, she left, and I just…I need to figure it out.”

  Avery reached out for Sean, and we both helped her stand. “Noah, you don’t get a reset button. We know what it’s like to almost lose each other. You and Lizzie shouldn’t go through that.”

  “It’s your life.” Sean squeezed my shoulder. “Whatever you decide to do is always going to be the best for everyone. We’re here for both of you, should you need us.”

  Was that life now? I had to decide, if the baby was mine, what role I would play in all of it. Get Lizzie back and live with her and Callie’s baby? Lose Lizzie? Lose these friends? Whatever I decide to do is going to be the best for everyone. Was that not being with Lizzie, keeping her out of this drama and the plague of Callie? I didn’t want to torture her with a motherhood she couldn’t own; that was cruel. Dammit. I loved her so much that each step away from Sean and Avery hurt, keeping my thoughts on Lizzie and what damage I’d caused without knowing.

  I heard what Sean told me, but I couldn’t connect the piece in my mind to make sense of it all. Lizzie was stubborn and confident; I couldn’t imagine she’d run from fear. She approached me; she tore me out of a stupor and showed me love. She left. Part of me wondered if I needed to respect that and let her go wherever she needed to go…

  Chapter Fourteen

  I peeled the label from my bottle while Silas bellowed next to me. I stopped following along after his second word, my focus on the label that kept me from worrying about Lizzie. It also stopped my twitching fingers from calling her, which I hadn’t done in eight excruciating days. Picking at the soggy paper wasn’t working, and catching Nadia shaking drinks in my periphery while Ben drooled on my shoulder was only making me angry. I should’ve been out with Sean and Jesse, but someone who kept me happy kept me thinking of her. If I thought of her, I’d call her. If I called her, she’d ignore me. If I called Lizzie, I�
�d be reminding her of what a screw up I was.

  It hurt to move my eyes. I shouldn’t have been out at all. I peeled the bottle, unable to drink an elixir that helped ease things in a past life. A life without Lizzie. A life I didn’t want. But I’m too damn terrified now, too. My phone buzzed on the bar counter, flashing Callie’s phone number across my screen. I looked once at the time, only a little ashamed to be as tipsy as I was at only two in the afternoon.

  “What do you want?” I groaned into the receiver. We’d talked almost every day this week, and I hated it. I didn’t hate the kid, just its mom, but I’d never let it know that. I was determined to be a perfect dad, as perfect as I could be. I hadn’t even told my mom yet, and I wondered if that was because I still couldn’t admit this was happening.

  “I thought you were meeting me for my appointment today,” Callie snapped.

  I rolled my eyes before replying. “Is it time already? I’m just on the other side of the Square. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

  I arrived thirty minutes later, finding Callie pacing the small exam room once the nurses led me to her. She was wearing heels that promised a broken ankle and a tight dress that made it obvious she was pregnant. If I didn’t look at her face, because honestly still all I could picture was her and Dude in my bed months ago, Callie’s stomach was cute. It was Callie who was repulsive.

  “You look nice,” I lied, trying to be sober…and kind.

  “You too.” She smiled. “You always do, though. The doctor’s coming back for the ultrasound. I heard the heartbeat, Noah. It was amazing.”

  My heart sank. “I’m sorry I missed it.”

  “Don’t worry, baby,” she reached for my hands, her eyes sparkling, “there will be plenty more exams before our baby is born.” Callie spread my palms around her stomach, and I wondered if I could make it work, sharing a life with her without loving her, for the sake of the child. The door opened, a doctor and nurse entering with equipment and cheerful smiles.